I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
