I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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