And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
