Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
