Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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