Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wish you could order shots online.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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