I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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