sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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