Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
