I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
