His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
