You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
