She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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