White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
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