she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
