Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
