i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
