She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
