she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
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