btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
