What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
