is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
