He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
