My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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