He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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