guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
