dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
