I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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