Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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