i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
