we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
