I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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