Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
ttyl tear gas
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
