Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
