New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Semen is not good for contacts.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
