haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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