And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
