Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
