Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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