tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
