I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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