when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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