so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
