bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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