She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
