Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
