I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Alive.
So much puke
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
