I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
