Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
