There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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