I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
