Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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