I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
